


Intricate Rituals

by Karlarado



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Sexuality, also lets just pretend in this universe tyler cares/knows about all sorts of identities, because twitcrew made me want it, coming to terms with sexuality, homophobic!Jamie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-16 18:28:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4635711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karlarado/pseuds/Karlarado
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jamie was planning on never confronting that part of himself. Just locking it behind a door where even he couldn't find it.</p><p>Then Tyler came a took a hammer to that door.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Intricate Rituals

He’s been in the bathroom stall for the last fifteen minutes, and even though everyone’s probably too drunk to realize he’s been gone this long, Jamie decides to stop throwing his own personal pity party and go back out to the bar.

There are three sinks illuminated by the too-bright fluorescents and Jamie makes his way over to them. He had just been standing in the stall, trying to rub whatever horrible feeling he had out from behind his eyes, but the sketchiness of the bar begs for a hand washing.

_Knock knock knock_

He had locked the door once he saw no one else was here, regardless of it being a multi-person restroom. Remembering there are still people on the other side of the door makes Jamie want to head back into the stall. “Give me a minute!” he shouts without taking his eyes off of his wet and soapy hands.

The knocks come again anyway.

“I said give me a minute!”

“You’ve been in there long enough Chubbs, open the damn door!”

 _Shit._ Tyler is literally the last person he wants to see right now. “Fuck off, Segs!” He can hear an aggravated groan through the door slowly get farther away. He’s drying his hands off when he hears the door click unlocked. 

Tyler closes the door behind him as quickly as he opened it. Jamie notices a long piece of wood attached to a small chain and plethora of keys. He groans. “You got them to give you the keys?”

There’s almost a smile from him, almost. “Of course I did. I’m Tyler Seguin. This is Dallas.” He turns around and locks the bathroom door with said keys. 

“What are you doing?”

He can hear Tyler take in a deep breath before answering. “What the fuck have you been doing?”

The sick feeling Jamie almost had out of his throat was slowing coming back again. “I’ve…been in the bathroom?”

Seguin hits his head back against the door. “No, you idiot. What the fuck were you doing out there, and what the fuck have you been doing with me?”

He angrily tosses the paper towels into the trashcan. “I don’t know what you mean, but I do know that I want to leave. Move out of the way.”

Tyler crosses his arms and stares Jamie down. “I’m not moving until you explain to me why you’re such an asshole.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” He drags his still damp hands over his face like he wants to rip it off. Jamie does not want to talk about what it is he thinks Tyler’s getting at. To anyone. Ever.

“Why were you going along with everything that drunk dude at the bar was saying?” Tyler hasn’t taken his eyes off Jamie yet. 

Jamie, however, is staring at the ceiling. “He was just making jokes, alright? That’s what drunk people do.”

“Making offensive jokes about ‘the gays’ is what assholes do, Jamie, drunk or not.”

He’s still avoiding looking right in Tyler’s eyes, opting to focus on right above his head. “They weren’t offensive, Segs, they were just jokes.”

“Oh my god! You’re still defending him! Seriously, Benn? I can get not wanting to make a scene by punching a fan in the face, but to go along with it and adding in your own gay-bashing commentary? And to not let it go when it’s just me around? You’re so fucked up. I hope you know that. You’re a fucked up person, Jamie.”

Jamie can feel himself panicking now; his fists tight balls at his sides. “That’s what people do, Tyler! They make gay jokes! We’re fucking hockey players, alright? We all say shit like that! Why is this such a problem for you?!”

Tyler’s eyes are wild now. Searching Jamie up and down like he’s trying to find something hidden in the dark part of the bathroom Jamie's moved to. “You know why! At least I would think you do!”

He knows. He just doesn’t want to say it out loud; allow it to be real. 

He doesn’t answer.

Seguin is the one making fists now. “You can’t…” He throws the keys hard onto the ground a takes a deep breath. “You can’t do all that shit with me… the glances in the locker room…the way you _can’t_ look at me during anything involving the press…all that subtle shit that means something to me and definitely means something to you since you keep it up.”

Tyler’s looking for an answer that Jamie isn’t ready to give, regardless of what he’s hearing. “That. That doesn’t mean what you think it means, ok? You’re an important part to this team and I’m the–”

“No fuck that ‘I’m just being a team captain’ bullshit! You know you don’t do all the little things you do with me with anyone else on this team. Why is this so hard for you to talk about?!”

“Because I’m not gay!” He can feel moisture pooling at the sides of his eyes as he screams it.

Tyler’s eyes are glossy as he screams back. “I’m not saying you are! Why are you so fucking dense about this? You make stupid jokes with drunk guys, you call out people who eat pussy cuz, what, that’s not masculine enough for you? Just _gotta_ fit in and be as straight as you can to prove something? Fuck that! You feel something for me! That doesn’t make you less of a man or less of a hockey player! You being so homophobic just makes you an asshole and a hypocrite and I –” He lets out a shaky breath. “I can’t even look at you, you’re such a fucking prick.”

Tyler squints and pinches the bridge of his nose as he turns away towards the wall.

Jamie’s back hits the opposite wall as he slowly sinks down to the floor. He’s openly crying now. “Segs, we can’t. I can’t. I can’t be…”

The anger has generally subsided in Tyler’s face, now showing mostly concern. “Hey, hey Jamie.” He closes the distance between them to about a foot and squats down to get a better look at Jamie. “It’s ok, alright? It’s ok. I didn’t think you were _dealing_ with shit, I just thought you were being a dick or leading me on and shit.”

Jamie refuses to take his head from his hands and look at him. “I was never supposed to be like this.”

He can hear Tyler take in a long deep breath again. “Liking guys, liking girls, liking both or neither or anyone in between, Jamie it doesn’t matter. Whatever you are is good.” He shifts his weight so he can kneel in front of his captain. “I need you to know that you’re normal and that you’re still a damn good hockey player.”

“I can’t be both.” Jamie shakes his head back and forth so hard it shakes his whole body.

“Why not?” 

He finally looks up at Tyler, eyes like a monsoon. “Because nobody’s ever been both, Segs! It doesn’t matter if I’ve always…I’ve always…I’m a hockey player. It’s never been ok.”

“Always?” Tyler squeezes his eyes shut so hard they may burst. “Benn, I swear to God if this has been something you’ve been going through all your life and you never once told me or Jordie or someone else I’m going to lose it.”

“I wanted hockey more. Being, whatever the fuck I am could wait or get pushed aside forever.”

“Fuck, Jamie. Do you know how many lives people waste waiting for the perfect time to start them?”

He wipes some tears from his eyes and wrinkles his forehead in confusion. 

Tyler’s eyes roll back just a bit, possibly in annoyance. Even Jamie knows this is not how Seguin pictured this bathroom conversation to be going. “Do you always wait for the perfect moment before you take a shot? Or do you take the best shot you can when you can because you’re Jamie “87 points this season” Benn? Did you just lose all faith and give up til the next Olympics when you weren’t invited to the orientation camp for Canada? Or did you try your best anyway and still fucking make it on the team? If you waited around for everything to be perfect or to be sure there’s no way of messing up, then you’d have half the points you do and you wouldn’t be an Olympian or even, fuck I don’t know, wouldn’t be able to recommend so many amazing hole-in-the-wall diners in Dallas. But mostly you wouldn’t be my captain.”

Jamie’s finally making full eye contact with Tyler, but he’s pretty sure he’s going to start crying again.

Seguin shifts back up onto the balls of his feet so he’s squatting again. “All of those things make you who you are. Including whatever your sexuality is. Everyone here cares about you. Everyone on the team cares about you, all of you, Jamie. Whoever you like is a part of you, and you don’t put a part of you on the back burner or push it away all together. It’s who you are just as much as being a Star is who you are. Just as much as being a captain.” Tyler puts his hand around Jamie’s left arm and squeezes. “Just as much as winning the Art Ross or fucking gold, alright?” Tyler lets out a small laugh and receives a smile in return.

Tyler gets up and puts his back against the wall, slowly sliding down it until he’s seated next to Jamie. They sit there in almost silence, save for the few gentle sobs that work their way from Jamie’s throat. After a long while of nothing, he rests his head on Tyler’s shoulder. 

Tyler laughs. “You can’t seriously think that you can comment on my Instagram with blushing emojis and not have me think you’re into me. Like how could I not question your sexuality?”

Jamie huffs out a laugh, too. “I was trying to be funny.”

“Well it came across as flirty.”

He takes a deep breath that Tyler can probably feel. “Maybe I was trying to be flirty, too.”

“You should keep it up, Chubbs, I like it.” Tyler shifts his head slightly above Jamie’s and gently kisses down on his hair. “Not to completely ruin this moment, but bro? We’re sitting on the men’s room floor of a bar.” He starts to get up with a slight sneer on his face.

Jamie straightens up. “Fuck you’re right. Ew, fuck.” Before he can get himself off the ground Tyler’s reaching a hand out to help him up. “Oh, thanks,” he says as he grabs it and hoists himself up.

Seguin has a very stupid look on his face when Jamie looks up from straightening out his shirt. “What?”

“Dude, we’re holding hands.”

“Seguin I swear to –” Tyler tightens his grip so hard Jamie isn’t able to finish his sentence.

“Jamie, I’ll get if you don’t wanna be seen holding my hand in public or oogling at me in front of the press and shit, but I do want to hold your hand sometimes and I definitely want you to oogle at me when we’re like, alone. Possibly in my bedroom.”

Jamie can feel his eyes roll as Tyler leads him back towards the door. “You think you’re sooo sexy but you’re not.”

Tyler lets go of Jamie’s hand to pick up the keys he had tossed aside earlier and unlocks the door. “I’m definitely sexy. I was naked in ESPN, literally everyone knows how sexy I am.” He opens the door and gestures for Jamie to go out first before closing the door behind himself.

“Wait, oh my god you’ve so totally jacked off to those haven’t you?”

**Author's Note:**

> YEAH. HOCKEY.  
> YEAH. HOCKEY BROS LIKING BROS.  
> I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD FIC ABOUT REAL PEOPLE YET HERE I AM.
> 
> Beta'd by [tullycat](http://archiveofourown.org/users/tullycat/profile) because she's nice but also not nice for dragging me into this hell.


End file.
